Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
