My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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