Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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