explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
