Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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