can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
