I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
