I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
