when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
