i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
