My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did I show you my penis last night?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
