all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize