Yo dont text me then not text me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
