It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
