Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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