I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
