Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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