dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have peed in a lot of sinks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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