my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
