So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
