He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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