May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
