I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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