Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
