sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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