I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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