My brain says no but my pants say off.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
