yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
