I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
