Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
