Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
