Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
