oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
