They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
