they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
