how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
