i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My pussy is not your playground.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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