once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
