dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
