Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
