It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
