Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A+ Viking dick
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