no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
