can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
send nudes
from the living room?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
