shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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