I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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