sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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