addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
