Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
