yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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