I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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