You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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