It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
