Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
