just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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