you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
