Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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