Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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