My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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