I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
