You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She said her name was "party"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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