Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
