Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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