If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize