I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
