Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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