I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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