i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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