the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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