No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
